say hello to uh

yeah well im kinda high right now and of course i'm over thinking everything.

say hello to more teen anst/ possibly real sadness

if black is the absence of all colors (well actually it's the absorption of all colors with none of them being reflected), then sadness must be the absence of all positive feelings. Because I'm not just sad, I'm confused, I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm prideful, I'm humbled, I feel like I have low self esteem yet my feelings of superiority are surfacing and they are both bruised and outraged, I'm questioning myself, and I feel conflicted. The latter of the list is probably the worst. I hate questioning myself and I hate feeling conflicted. I figure it's impossible, but if it was up to me I'd be sure of myself at all times because nothing is more fulfilling then confidence and success and right now I have neither. If you're over 25 and I told you why I felt this way you'd probably laugh, but at this point it my life I don't think anything is more daunting. I've always liked to consider myself well rounded both academically and physically. I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I am an intellectual. I'm not the prettiest girl in the world, but I am (or at least I can be) attractive. And I am definitely not the most heart felt person in the world, but I can be compassionate and I know when to. But I feel like I'm "losing" to a counter part who is sub par. And I'm scared that maybe I'm not as good as I want to be and I'm sub par, or even worse I'm too good and people are threatened by me. Now I have never been one to down play myself for the likeliness of others but I'm irrationally afraid of growing up and being alone because I was unapproachable or I couldn't learn to love someone more than myself. I think about people like Coco Chanel and realize that she died alone because she put her business first in her life; men were threatened by her power, charm, and allure. She posses all of the things I aspire to posses, but at what price, loneliness? And while there are far worse fates in the world than loneliness, loneliness is definitely higher up there in the ranks. I would be compromising myself to be any less than the best, but I'm not sure if "money, notareity, and rivieras" are more important to me than being loved and loving someone else. It's very possible that I've thought to far into this, and it's even more likely that I'm involving myself with a bunch of immature teenagers who wouldn't understand what I was trying to tell them if I explained it through a powerpoint. I should probably tell you what's making me feel this way but I'd feel too silly. James Blake - Unluck will make me feel better.

until next time Tristen xx

say hello to nothingness

i have nothing to say, im fucking tired and my mom hasn't come home yet hope she's okay

my head hurts and so does my teeth

im trying to write an essay but i think ill have to hold it off another day

i feel like i keep holding everything off, im running out of days to push it off too

soon ill have way to much to do, if i already don't

but the weird thing is i don't feel extremely stressed, i still feel like if i just breath and take it step by step i can work through it

im half delirious right now im so tired, and i still have to get my things from out of the dryer but i feel okay

im playing L.E.S (Lower East Side) by Childish Gambino. I really like him and this song, and I had one of the best times of my life at his concert.

that is all, goodnight xx Tristen

say hello to things i find cool

listening to Brand New by Drake <3_<3
i love him, a lot.

anyway ive been doing some browsing and found some things i like, and one thing that half scares me half intrigues me. we'll talk details later.

anywayyyyy
things i like:
some really cool cover art as follows:

Unluck by James Blake just came on, I love his music it's so nice.
i should have saved the names of the bands the album art comes from but the music was shitty i just liked the pictures.

i also found this painting by William Whitaker which I really like (more of his work can be found: here)

it's not the finished one, it's actually like a draft but i like it, im a sucker for a monochromatic color scheme :)

another cool thing i found was this Italian/Milanese helmet from the 1500s

sick right? more pictures and info about it: here

the thing i dont really like:

fucking creepy yo, they're baby stingrays. i hate the ocean and anything that comes from it that shit scares me. why is it so big? why does it have these things in it? why don't we know a lot about it? yet they're so cute that I like looking at them... but they do scare me.
here's a video of a baby stingray "dancing": here

blah blah All The Shine by Childish Gambino is playing (whom I also adore. I went to his concert last summer and blew a kiss to him and it caught it, I melted, it was a whole ordeal honestly. I then went on to name my snake Gambino after him)

speaking of my snake i dont have any pictures of him on here. i will change that

that's my lil bby g

now my butt is cramping because i had track today >.< in addition to that mini crisis i also had a mini freak out today about how i need to leave (as in get out of the hood) i really gotta get out of here and i wish i could un-know 50% of the people i know. ugh God you have no idea.

random but i like the way the % looks in this font %%%%%%%%%%

okay sorry back to focus. i need to leave b/c everyone sucks and i dont think there's much here for me anymore. wanna be a model and a psychologist and make movies and have a talk show and do art. wanna be liberated, wanna break free wanna fly. i have to go. have to fly.

Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe by Kendrick Lamar just came on and I think that's a perfect way to end this (btw my little brother just came in here and totally killed my vibe -___-)

so yeah that's all xx Tristen

say hello to mindless rambles

I'm sorry I haven't posted lately, not that there has been much going on I just have horrible consistency problems :p

uhh I'm listening to The Recipe by Kendrick Lamar feat Dr. Dre (but I like the one by E-40 too)

anyway shit idk what to say haha. life is going as it always does, it goes. i would use the "roller coaster cliche"but I'm sure you already know that one.

well quick recap: Thanksgiving well uhh happened. nothing special other then someone hitting my moms car and then someone else calling her a stupid bitch for being in the way. which sent me into a spiral of emotions and I started crying and freaking and wah im a bitch. but yeah

then I chilled with some old friends the next day. i spent 8hrs in front of wawa, that's some real loiter squad shit.

then sunday (today) i did nothing of importance other than watch Howl's Moving Castle (which is right hurr) which was .... interesting. I have a few questions: Sophie why tf did you let the house collapse? and then you poured water on calspar? who tf do you think you are with that silver hair? just because you half saved your world doesn't excuse the fact that you half ruined it! ahem, anyway... i also watched brave (click here to also view) which was cute.

blah blah tumblr blah blah facebook blah blah stumpleupon blah blah itunes <- my day

some cool shit i learned today: 

i start winter track this week YAAAY. i also have a photoshoot coming up next week so im trying to lose 10lbs with this flush sooo yeah hope it works
le flush:

okay that's all xx Tristen

say hello to not fitting in

im listening to supermarket by domo genesis feat ace creator (tyler, the creator)

anyway idk if im having a total teen angst moment or if life actually sucks
but i dont feel like i fit in anymore.

the boy i like doesn't like me which makes me feel like shit (but id die if anyone knew that because weakness is well weakness and the idea of allowing someone else to make me feel less of myself absolutely kills me. its a vicious cycle as you can see)

in addition to being a shitty girl to like... well actually that's mainly it. theres no one for me to love here and i dont want to be somewhere i cant love it doesnt feel right, it feels dead. i feel like i need to leave or find someone to love

oh how fucking needy am i :-{ just making this worse for me

water on the moon by nikko grady and imani waddy is playing now and it reminds me of the huge wave painting by hokusai who is one of my favorites

and that is all i could possibly give you of myself tonight goodnight to whoever is reading this.


tristen

say hello to my sketches

I'm listening to Born to Die by Lana del Rey the Alunageorge remix.

I guess I've never been much of a hands on artist because I'm afraid it won't look good and that's unacceptable. So I've always just hid myself behind art history and admired art instead of making it. Well this year I've decided to be on the other side. Even if it's shitty, I still want to do it.

In addition to the sketches I was supposed to post last time, I have new pictures of downtown, and other miscellaneous things I think I should share. (in chronological order)

I call these the beautiful building and the sex shop:

The dead roses that I sketched:

 le sketch:

more crude drawings:

 really good tea I had in a hand made ceramics cup (bueno:

the necklace I got for $1 straight from China:

 holiday pies from Mickey D's:

 the lollipop with a chocolate swirl:

those are the highlights of the past few days, that is all. except Bad Religion by Frank Ocean is playing and I just got what it's talking about....

xx Tristen

say hello to being inspired

Barack Obama will now be entering his second term. I teared up a little, I'm so proud.
And I met this girl on the bus today who was exceptional, splendid, darling even.
she was reading a booked and looked incredibly warm and homely. and she in fact was.
anyway she's a fibers major and she's into art and photography which is cool because so am I.
meeting her, and having Obama win the election has me extremely inspired.
i feel like a sim, when you do all the things they want you to do and then they get inspired.
ok maybe not.

i left the cord to my phone at school so you can't see the picture of the dead flowers i took on monday x___x pooop.

im listening to Lock N Load by Waka Flocka Flame, but it just switched to Heatwave by SBTRKT

the rat i brought for my snake is moving around a lot and im bummed about my charger so im going to bed now :( not even going to lie i feel slightly less inspired.

going to paint those dead flowers soon though

btw today was my moms birthday. happy birthday to the first person i ever learned how to love.

say hello to Cornelia Parker

I'm about to leave for school.
and then I came across the work of Cornelia Parker
she's this artist from the 1990's
she made two pieces that I absolutely love;
The Maybe 1995
http://www.frithstreetgallery.com/artists/works/cornelia_parker/2/the_maybe

and the second one is Hanging Fire Suspected Arson 1999
http://www.frithstreetgallery.com/artists/works/cornelia_parker/1/the_maybe

oh and I'm listening to Bashful by Kwes.
have a good day
xx Tristen

say hello to downtown

I should have posted this yesterday but I got caught up doing nothing.
anyway here are some pictures I took of downtown yesterday
btw right now I'm listening to Tb70 by Kilo Kish, she's hot shit

the only reason I enjoy going downtown in the architecture. It really is something to marvel at.

on a complete other note it took me literally 10 minutes to get those pictures up which made the song change as well as my train of thought. I was thinking about "things you wish you would have said". I wish I had followers on this blog so you could tell me what you wish you would have said. Anything to anyone about anything.
I wish I had the balls to tell my former best friend I miss her and idk what happened between us.
I wish I could tell this really cool azn kid I used to be friends with that I always thought he was really cool and I know he's going places and I wish we were still friends.
I would tell the boy I think I love that I wish he would grow up and give me my heart/mind back. I think about him all the time and I hate the way he makes me feel without even trying. I hate the power he has over me, and he could care-a-less that he has it. I'd also tell him that I envy 100% anyone that has that power over him because I want it.
I would tell the guy I think I like, that I like him to much as a person to complicate our relationship with feelings. Because he's the kind of person you keep as a friend forever, and the last thing I want is to ruin that because I like him.

but I can't do it because I'm torn between thinking that things are meant to be this way (but I'm actually just using that as an excuse to not do all this), and that I could dig myself into a deeper hole by actually speaking out. My snapple cap has great advice that I'm not ready to take. But I suppose I'll figure it all out one day.

But until then I am forever perplexed and burdened with these thoughts and feelings. Don't make my mistake, please be better.

xx -Tristen.

say hello to Tristen

that's me. I think I should start by explaining myself (not that I owe you an explanation, but not that you shouldn't have one either). I find it rather tacky to begin a story in the middle, unprecedented by any explanation or foreknowledge.

Anyway let's start with the title. "tristeningtomusic" wordplay! tristen is like listen....yes, you see what I did there. I'm 90% of the time listening to music which either affects how I feel, or is effected by how I feel. Anyway I am forever working alongside the unofficial soundtrack of my life, thus "tristening to music". it's corny, I know.

who I am and how I am will unravel itself as time continues, but for know know that I am a passionate romantic (the romantic act kind, not the love kind) who aspires to conquer my world, and influence everyone else's. (grammar is not my forte fyi). I'm an aspiring model standing at 5'6. did I mention I am VERY ambitious. I plan on growing 3 inches through diet and exercise and losing 20 lbs and then I'll be perfect until I find something else I hate about myself.

now to the good stuff.
I'm listening to Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood
I'm reading Kim Daul's old blog (rip) she's become somewhat of my icon over the past 2 days

and I skimmed my knee skateboarding from work today. now my tights (and my leg) have a hole in then. you can kinda see my frilly socks too :-}
that's about as interesting as my day, got minus my simulated depression this morning but I'd rather not talk about that.

that's it. expect a lot of quotes from Coco Chanel cause I'm reading her biography, and a lot of song lyrics cause yeah.

bonsoir xx :*